I Love Lucy… Or NOT

Just call me Lucy because it seems like one mishap after another has befallen me as I try to appear as normal as possible. I am beginning to feel just the slightest bit cursed, in fact!

1. It took me 4 tries to get off of post when I was leaving to go to Boston. 4. I kept remembering things that I had forgotten just as I got to the point where turning back would have been futile so I kept turning back.

2. I still managed to forget the extra booster seat that I somehow knew I would need even though I didn’t know why I would need it. I got to buy one.

3. I was the last one to use the door before the entire mechanism in the doorknob broke, locking us out of the garage where the car was parked. Both garage door openers were in the car.

4. While baking, I started to open the oven door only to have the whole thing fall apart in my hands. The handle fell off and the outer part of the oven door separated from the inner part.

5. The clutch on my mom’s car took 2 weeks for me to fully master. It is the weirdest clutch I have ever driven with and I have driven with quite a few. I am still embarrassed by the lurching and squealing that took place as I got comfortable with it.

6. While washing one of many loads of clothes, the washer must have come a bit unbalanced. I heard it shaking, but didn’t think anything of it until I walked into the utility room and was greeted with liquid laundry detergent all over the walls and floor. The jostling of the machine must have knocked the brand new SAM’s Club sized laundry detergent bottle off the machine, but not without busting the container and spraying the walls behind and beside the washer with soap. I don’t know if I will ever manage to get it all cleaned up. I can’t even get behind the washer without moving it out.

I can’t believe that I made it through my lawn mowing experience this morning without losing a limb at the rate I am going. I am almost afraid to touch anything and what started off as kind of amusing as I had to navigate around difficulties has now become downright frustrating.

Finding Old Friends

I tried msypace and never could get the hang of it.  It was difficult to maneuver through and massive in size.  There were so many things to think about when creating a page and I quickly realized that myspace is not my space on the web at all.

I am so thankful, therefore, to have given facebook a try.  I was skeptical at first knowing how l felt about myspace.  I soon fell under the spell of facebook as I discovered more and more friends within easy reach.  New friends, old friends, friends that I haven’t talked to since elementary school.

I find that some of my dearest friends from my younger days have walked the hard path that I find myself on.  There is comfort in that.  There are also the friends who have told me recently what an impact I made on them long ago.  You always wonder what you will be remembered for and it is fun to hear it now.

You can’t relive the past, but facebook is showing me time and again that I can remember it with friends and chuckle at how far we have all come.  Now I just wish that they would work all the kinks out of the scrabble game.  If they could accomplish that then my online class reunion would be complete!

Endings

Sometimes, an ending can just be seen as a new beginning for something else. Other times, endings are for things that you must mourn.

Right now, I am mourning quite a few things in my life even as I look forward to some new beginnings that are hopefully just around the corner. Here are just a few things that are on my mind these days.

I mourn my grandmother’s independence even as she is beginning a new relationship with her daughter.

I mourn my aunt’s expectation of health as she battles cancer and finds out with each doctor’s visit that it is a little worse than they thought before. She is a fighter and I can only hope for all of our sakes that she is strong enough to get through this. I don’t know what a world would be like without her in it. She is like a second mother to me.

I mourn for the days that I will not get to spend with my husband even as I yearn for the homecoming and experiences that await us in our future.

I mourn the year in our son’s life that he will miss even as I rejoice in it all and try to record and memorize every bit to share with him, our deployed soldier.

I mourn the friendships that I have lost touch with over the years,  but I am thankful for every reconnection and new relationship that I am able to foster.

I mourn the babies that I will never have and look towards God for the ones that I hope to hold someday either of my body or through adoption. I have to have faith that they are out there.

The trials in our lives generally serve to make us stronger (as i am told) so I am hopeful that I will come through this time a little more puncture resistant than I was before. The growing sure does hurt, though, and I look forward to a time when things even out a bit because I am just not sure that I have it in me to be anything for others right now without completely coming apart myself. I wish that I could figure out how to change this into a healing time.

Forgiveness

I hope that my good friends on facebook can forgive me for posting pictures from our youth.  I just couldn’t resist since I had a scanner at hand and the pictures literally fell out of an old book onto the floor in front of me.  They were begging to be posted, if you ask me!

And the Oven Yielded

Fresh from  the oven I give you Lowfat Banana Bread, Blondies, and Old Fashioned White Bread.  My son just declared that his PBJ on the fresh bread using the peach jam I made last week is “the best sandwich EVER”.  Does it get better than that?  I regret that I got no pictures.

Alabama

I am rediscovering all sorts of things that I love about Alabama.  Unfortunately, many of those things have to do with food so I am limiting my exposure as much as possible.  I can report that I have delighted in a sonic diet cherry limeade, white cheese dip at a good mexican restaurant, and perfectly fried oysters (not too many). My head is spinning with all the nostalgic choices.  Good thing that I have 3 more weeks to fit some more treats in.  It is nice to have something to look forward to between between the trips to the hospital to see my grandmother and then the other direction to take care of her plants and her pets.

Team Captain

I always thought that conception was supposed to be a pairs event.  With my soldier far away “over there” I have had to refine my views of what trying to conceive (TTC) should look like, though.  Now, I feel a little overwhelmed as I look around at the team that has come together in support and love.

The players are many and start with the remote yet very important element of the fertility clinic.  Without them, there wouldn’t be a game at all.

Then you have the drivers/hand holders.  you just don’t know how good a friend is until she sits beside you while you lie with your legs spread and then stay there for 15 minutes to let things settle all the while chatting it up like you are sharing a cup of coffee.

Let’s not forget the cheerleaders who understand the bad days and encourage you through the doubts and fears.  The humor helps.  The support is priceless.

Without this team, I don’t think I could do this.  I am not a good pill taker and yet I am taking 6-9 pills a day.  I have had to resort to a pill sorter just to make sure I don’t forget anything.  I had to learn to stick a needle in my belly.  Two needles, in fact, as I need a double dose of HCG to get the ovulation party started.

There are times when I don’t think that I can hide the tears.  I have chosen to do this.  My husband and I have chosen this path and it means so much to know that the people around me support and care about this process and about me.  It helps when I don’t have my soldier’s arms around me or his shoulder to lean on.

Now, I just pray that at some point this team effort results in a baby to love and raise.  I always heard that it takes a village to raise a child, I just never thought it would take one to conceive a dream baby.  Here’s to the village.

Dear God

Please give me a baby sister before I start first grade. Mama won’t give me a baby, but I know that you can. Amen

Season Finales Suck Sometimes

Seriously!  Who blew up on Criminal Minds?  Did they really have to leave it like that?  I don’t want any of them to be off the show.  Damn.

In case you can’t tell, television takes on new meaning when the nights are long and lonely.  The summer programming needs to hurry up and get started.  Reality television, here I come.

The Mystery of the Missing Shoes

I don’t know how it happened, but somehow I have lost all of my summer shoes.  I remember taking them to storage last fall as the last of the sandal days faded into a memory and the boots overtook the entryway.  What I can’t seem to remember is what I did with the darn things.  To make it more frustrating, every once in a while I will find one (without a mate) somewhere random.  Is it a cruel cosmic joke or am I getting a sign to buy new shoes?  I really think I will go with the latter explanation.  It makes me happier!